1. The gap between the brain and the front of the skull – Believe it or not, the First Nations people of British Columbia, Canada, often consummated their marriage partnerships with a frenzy of sexual activity in front of the tribe’s elders, culminating in the bride’s frontal lobe cavity being penetrated by the husband through the Aeolian Fissure, a small niche in the skull between the bridge of the nose and the forehead. Apparently, it hurt.
2. Between the big and second toe – Hoofing, or Piedophilia, is a largely forgotten sexual practice much admired by the mountain people of the Langedoc region of France. The lack of penetration was balanced with the frisson of ticklishness. A toe-specific STD, Darroze’s Crumble, meant that the act was eventually avoided by all but the most ardent.
3. The back of the knee – A reference to Cap Nudging, as it was called, can be found in Martin Chuzzlewit: ‘And with that, Mr. Scuzzfrig threw the prostitute face down on her bed and nudged her cap til the sun came up over Spitalfields’.
4. The large intestine – the noted Satanist and sexual adventurer Alestair Crowley once remarked that he had had sexual relations with a sailor from the Baltic fleet who had allowed him to venture ‘up river‘ – coded reference to intestinal intercourse – although he refused to be drawn on exactly how he had achieved this.
5. The eyeball – the human body contains many sphincters, including the iris of the eyeball. A practice only attempted by the most careful and determined, Touching the Soul, as it’s known, is rarely attempted and few have succeeded. Those that have say it’s the best sex they have ever had. Those that haven’t say exactly the opposite.
6. Murby’s Labia – often treated as an urban myth, this part of the body doesn’t officially exist but is referred to as the ‘fourth hole’. Many have dubbed it the ‘Area 51’ of the female body and, like its desert counterpart, have tried to film it at night. Perhaps it’s part of a cover-up…
7. The middle ear – while some consider the ear to be fair game, few have ever ventured further into this organ. Aural sex has its own porn genre and many ‘lobe lovers’ stage conventions in tribute to their practice: Wax Fest occurs every September in Chicago.
Give Me Seven 